Keep The Giraffe Burning Read online

  The stag dinner for N. Decting was being held in another room at the hotel. Out of an immense cake leapt Trixi, who often danced on the tables until dawn. Bill was embarrassed. Any nakedness reminded him of the human condition, of answering the telephone wrapped in a bath towel.

  On the beach, Bill sneaked a look at a pair of bikini blondes named Doreen and Darlene, while Mary sneaked a look at him. Finally he dozed, dreaming of dramatic news headlines like:

  WORLD DECLARED A MARXIST PARADISE

  themselves being expanded into great boxwood word blocks that were being shoved forward to chock up the sagging floor of sand.

  Meanwhile the kids buried Bill in sand.

  On the drive borne, Bill and Mary sat in front, while the kids slept dreamlessly in the back seat. Bill pointed out to Mary that a flying saucer had landed in the desert, and that a short green man could be seen making his way from it towards a telephone booth.

  Mr Gordon found he couldn’t sleep, partly because he’d taken a nap in the afternoon, producing Zs. Now he tried counting sheep, visualizing them leaping one by one over a rail fence … into what?

  A strange noise. Mr Gordon crept downstairs and looked into the dining room. The man who was putting silver into a satchel wore a flat cap, a black eyemask, and a jacket over a striped sweater. He worked by flashlight.

  ‘Asia,’ said the burglar, turning his beam upon Mr Gordon, ‘is the key. As Japan begins to play an increasing role in shaping the economic future of the world, China may shake off her mantle of mystery and challenge the island giant to open industrial warfare. In any case, we must watch Asia, the world’s weathercock.’

  The Dectings’ honeymoon took them to Asia, to a place not far from where Major X had hunted the tiger from a howdah. In the marketplace, the Dectings saw snake charmers, fakirs, reclining on beds of nails, and the famous Indian Rope Trick.

  Major X and Trixi were sitting in water up to their necks in a large cast-iron pot. This had been set to boil on an open fire, while black men danced around them, brandishing spears. The black men all wore grass skirts and bones through their noses.

  ‘I wish I knew the reason,’ said the Major earnestly. ‘I really wish I’d studied a bit of anthropology, instead of all that blasted art history.’ Then, there being some time to kill before they boiled, he explained to Trixi the cloud-formulae which Constable seemed to have learned from Alexander Cozens.

  George was at last a prisoner again. This time he was manacled to the wall, hanging by his wrists. Nearby hung a stranger in the same plight.

  ‘There is a game called Prisoner’s Dilemma,’ George said. ‘We assume that two men have been caught by the police and are questioned separately. Each can either talk or keep quiet. If one confesses, he’ll get ten years, and his companion will be executed. But if both confess, they’ll both get life imprisonment. Finally, if neither confesses, they’ll both be freed.

  ‘According to the rule of game theory, each man should confess. But common sense tells us they can do better by both keeping quiet. It’s quite a puzzle.’

  The other did not reply. At dawn, George was taken outside, stood against a wall and shot. As he died, the ground beneath him seemed to go translucent, like the smoke of the cigarette he had just refused. George could almost make out words beneath the world.

  Finally Dave was cast up on a desert island. Though only a few yards in diameter, it featured a single palm tree against which he could rest, while he waited.

  A GAME OF JUMP *

  Bill was in love with another woman, so he put an end to Clara, and to their two children, Dot and Eddie. Eddie had on a blue cap at the time and Dot had her doll with the red hair. Bill did not like to do this to them, but he had to. Dot and Eddie saw him do it to Clara, and there was nothing Bill could do about that, then.

  Bill put the blue cap on the back seat of his car, and he would not let Ann, the other woman, take it out. There was no way for Ann to ask him if the police would find out about this, and if she did ask him, Bill would only say no. Ann said nothing.

  They went to the farm, where Ann saw a black horse and a white cow. When she saw a pig, she said, I saw a pig make it with another pig once, and it was not very nice. I don’t like pigs. Could I have some milk?

  Bill went to ask the farm man for a cup of milk. When he had left her on her own, Ann said, I know, he did not do this thing for me. Nothing is any good any more.

  Here is your milk, said Bill, all at once right next to her. What was it you said just now?

  Nothing, dear. I wish we could go away to some other place, some new place, where we have never been before.

  We can, we can. Only I have to be back at work in a day two. The man I work for would not like it if I went away for a long time.

  They got back into the car and went to Ann’s place. A man from the police was by the door. Did you see a little boy? he asked. With a round head?

  No, said Bill, we did not. If we do, we will let you know.

  Do that, said the man, who was black. Do just that. Tell the police at once.

  We will, we will.

  Bill and Ann went into the house. Ann made them a drink, and then they went to bed.

  On the bus, Felix said to the woman he was sitting just back of, Do you see this?

  Yes, said Granada. She did not look so old in black.

  This is no toy. It don’t use caps. It says danger. I want you to get off the bus when I do, and don’t try any games. Come with me.

  Are you with the police?

  All of us are with the police, these days. Just do what I tell you, or it will be the end.

  Do you want me, is that it? All right, get it over with, she said.

  Nothing like that. I want to talk to you, that is all. You do what I say, now.

  It was all a game of jump, said Bill. I was in this new road, where all the men and every woman was new. I went to eat a rabbit egg, and all at once, it was a big, big apple cap. My lost love would call out to me from the window of the police station, but I had to learn how to get in to her.

  Then Daddy was at the window of the three o’clock train, saying danger, danger. The train fell from a new tree, and I saw it was Dot, my Dot She was my father, my train, see? That year the letters were big as dinner box picture, and today the wish woman came three times to ask my toy bus a Christmas day. It was only a baby now, and the door would not open. I did open the book of Ask-Me, and then I had to learn which Mummy to sing the time name thing to. All at once I went up, up, up.

  So you think, said Ann. We can get up now.

  They got out of bed and went out to buy a new car. It was green, and the old one was blue. They went to a café.

  The thing. is, Bill said, when they had sat down at a table by the window, many men do these things, and no one thinks a thing about it. I don’t talk of Clara and the children, but many a man, many a man had made his life over in one way or another. The sun is very hot at this table.

  It is always very hot, she said. Tell me, do you love me?

  More tea? said Bill. Or how about some apple jam?

  I feel like an egg.

  So do I. I am an egg, a rabbit egg, found under a tree.

  Stop. This is not the time or the place for that, said Ann. Back to my place? This street always says danger to me. We should go away.

  I think we had best go back to my place, said Bill. I forgot about the dog. He may eat Clara.

  They went back to his house, and Bill put an end to Felix, his black and white dog. Ann did not look too well, so they went for a nice drink then.

  You look good in red, said Bill.

  Thanks.

  Do you make much money? asked Granada. Buy me a drink.

  I do make very much money, but I have no money at all right now, Felix said. Let me tell you about my work, and we will walk over to my place. The first house on that next street.

  What a nice street, she said. Trees and flowers and all just like a picture. And right next to the police stat
ion. How very nice. I would like to live here.

  You do live here, he said. You are Mrs Felix, but you don’t know it any more.

  Is that right? she said. Have I lost my – you know?

  Right. On days, I work at the train station, making the trees look good. On other days, I work right over there at the fire station, that one. I make toys for children who have none, like the Bill children. For Christmas.

  And what do you do for fun. This?

  No, for fun I go to the school and give all the little boys and girls sweets. Then I take them home with me and do bad things with them.

  At the door, he said, I have had some fun with you, too.

  What?

  It is only a toy one, after all. See, it has water in it.

  But it was not a toy, as they then found out.

  There was a fly in the house where Clara and Dot and Eddie and the dog Felix were. It went from Clara to Dot, from Dot to Felix, from Felix to Eddie, from Eddie to Clara, from Clara to Felix, from Felix to Dot, from Dot to Eddie, from Eddie to Felix, from Felix to Clara, from Clara to Eddie from Eddie to Dot, and from Dot to Clara. Then it made a stop on the cake on the dinner table.

  Is that the car that had the boy’s green cap? asked one man from the police.

  Blue cap, said the other. It is the one, all right.

  Blue, was it? Or green?

  Blue I think. Yes, blue. That is Mr Bill’s car. He works with pencils, they say. Let us take a look.

  At the car or the cap?

  At the car, which is green, and the cap, which is blue.

  Why is that, do you think?

  I wish I could fly just like a bird, said Ann. Don’t you?

  Not like. As a bird. No I don’t wish for a thing, thanks. I have a very good time, Bill said. I like this drink.

  But I could fly away to the sea, and play in the sun, and do so many fun things. In the water, too.

  Those things are not so much fun when you get to do them, Bill said, after all. I did want to be a rabbit egg, but not any more. I think I will see if that girl over there would like a drink.

  My name is Bill, he said to the girl. Who are you?

  Dot, she said. May I take your picture?

  I don’t get it, said one police man. This cap was green before, and now it is blue. Do you think some little boy, like the little boy who is wanted, could take the green one away and put a blue one in its place?

  I just don’t know. Why don’t we call the station and see?

  Granada was not very well. She was on the table and Felix was about to help her get well. Think of a train station or a horse farm, he said. Then it will not be so bad. Tell me, do you know where you are, and who?

  I know that when I was a little girl I had a big doll, in the afternoon.

  I don’t get that. In the afternoon when you were a little girl?

  I could only play with it in the afternoon, that is to say. The name of this doll was Clara. And I had a dog named Felix, who came only when you did not call him, and many, many books. The best were How to Make Money at Home and Birds that Sing.

  This will not get us any place, said Felix. How about me, and our four children: Bill, Clara, Dot and Eddie?

  Nothing. Nothing at all, she said.

  You are no fun to be with, then. I would never take you to the sea or any other place, Felix said.

  The sea? I wish I could fly just like a bird, don’t you? And I would fly away to the sea, and play in the sun, and do many fun things. In the water too – I know, my name is Ann.

  Where is Ann? said Bill. He looked for her under the table and chairs. Then he asked a big, round man if he saw her go out.

  The woman in red? She was here just now, said the man. I did not see her go.

  I just went over to talk to the picture girl, and when I came back, she had left.

  Women, said the big, round man. We can not live with them, and we can not live with out them. We live and learn, don’t we?

  Now we know Bill had an old blue car as well as his new green one, said the black man from the police. The other police man said little. They were at the station, where they had just had a talk with some other police men.

  And we know Bill has a little boy like the boy we want. I think I see how this goes. Let us make a call on Bill, what do you say?

  Another police man said, but we found the green cap in a tree by the train station. I think another boy went on the train but you may be right, at that.

  When is a door not a door? asked Bill. He was slow in the head, from all that drink, and very red.

  I don’t know, said the big, round man. Tell me.

  When it is a jam.

  Very good. Have another, on me. Now stop me if you know this one …

  Say, said a little boat man who came in just then, the police have your car, Bill.

  My car? asked Bill. The green one?

  Yes. They went off over the hill in it, to the police station. My, you don’t look too well.

  They went to my house, said Bill, going white.

  Yes, but stop me if you know this one, said the big man. Two pigs made it in a well, see, and this other cat came by and saw them at it, and –

  Two police men were going over Bill’s house. Is that an egg over there? asked one.

  No, it is the boy’s ball. And that is the little girl’s doll. I don’t like the look of this at all. Why would any good woman do this, to her and her children?

  And her dog, said the other. She must have been – you know. Here, have some of this cake. Very good, and it would just go bad if we did not eat it now. Go on.

  Thanks. I would just like to know what the green cap has to do with all this, said the first. He looked at Clara and Eddie and Felix (or what was left of them) under the table. I would just like to know where the little girl is. And how could this little boy here take the green cap and put the blue one in its place?

  I don’t feel so well, said the other. I think there must have been a fly in this cake.

  You did not do what you said to those school children, Ann said to Felix.

  No, he said, I did not. By the way, where did you get that red thing from? I like you in red.

  You made fun of me.

  Yes – I like children. I have a little boy here, in a box. He has a green cap on his head. Would you like to have a look at him?

  Why is he in a box?

  Felix said, Well, I found him taking some fish from my dinner table. So I put him in this box and closed it up, to make him learn what is best and what is not. That is not so bad of me, is it? Am I so bad?

  Not at all, said Ann, but let him out now.

  I will. Just let me get this open.

  But there was no one in the big box.

  He got away! How do you like that? He got away with my cake.

  Your cake? Was it not your fish?

  Fish cake, it was. But he will not want to do that again, I think. Say, do you know any more about who you are?

  Yes, said Ann. I once came to a door that said PUSH and gave it a pull, and it came open. And if I want to write a letter, I will use milk for ink, so then the boy or girl who gets it can take it to a fire and let it get hot and there will be the letter. Today I had a drink of milk at the farm.

  I give up, said Felix. Let us take a bus to the bus station, where I will put you on your right bus.

  I could write a book, said Bill, about all I have said and should not have said. Where is that woman? She is no more, like the flowers of last year.

  Time is going fast, said the big round man. They say you can not put your hand into the same water two times. Because it is going too fast. He did sing:

  If I were only white

  Then I could write

  To bring this top

  To a stop

  If I were only green

  I would tell the Queen

  To take the train

  When you see rain

  But I am black and blue. So blue.

  This man was
red, and so was Bill, from the drink.

  But she made the dinner I like best, said Bill. Fish cake. I don’t know where she could have got the fish from, at this time of year.

  We are all fish, said the old boat man. We live in an Ask Me book. Our love is a fish love, and our every wish –

  Not me, said Bill. I am a rabbit. And the only book I read is How to Make Money at Home.

  The two police men were not well. It must have been the cake, said one, and fell down.

  But the cap. The green cap is just right for this boy’s head, said the other, and fell down next to him.

  At three o’c1ock the other police found them all: the woman Clara, the dog Felix, and the two police men. They must have been right about that boy in the green cap, said one. Another said, this is what they do to those who know too much. We had best put out a call right now for the little girl.

  I did it, I did it, said Bill. Clara and the children yes and the dog too. Why did I do it?

  Money? asked the big, round man.

  Felix looked out the window of the bus at the danger. Why will men in green cars do that? he said. There is room for him and for the bus, but that man wants all the street for his own.

  Ann did not look out, and said nothing. She read a book.

  You have had too much to drink, said the big man. I cannot give you any more. Do I have to draw you a picture? Go home.

  I wish I could, said Bill. I only wish I could. Give me another, will you?

  No. Not if you was my brother. Go to bed.

  But I have no car, no children, nothing, said Bill, going red.

  If I were a dog, said Felix, I would go after that car and get it I would.

  Ann read: We are all fish. She closed the book.

  I was down by the train station today, she said. With a blue cap on my head. I went up in a tree to look at the big train.

  I am a dog, said Felix. As the bus came to a stop, he jumped down and ran after the green car. Night was upon them.